Should You and Your Partner Sleep in Separate Beds?

couple in chalk bed

It's a hot topic these days -- should you and your partner share a bed or count sheep separately? The arguments for both choices are plenty, which makes it hard to make such a big decision. While debating this hot topic, consider all the angles of both sides.

Sleeping Solo:

1. Pet Peeves

woman snuggling dog in bed

If your pup is your other other half, he needs a spot to catch some Z's, too! Especially if you had him before your man came along. It's not fair to give your furry friend the boot when he had first dibs to begin with.

What makes matters worse is size. As nice as it would be for your sweet Golden Retriever to take up the same amount of space as a Yorkshire Terrier, it isn't possible. When your new man won't budge on sleeping with your fur baby, but you don't want to give the pup (or cat) a permanent floor spot, your own room benefits your four-legged friend and you. You get to snuggle up to your bestie without worrying about space issues sleeping in your own bed.

2. The Night Owl Vs. Early Bird Situation

You like staying up all hours of the night, but he's counting sheep before 10 p.m. leaving you wanting to sleep in while he gets his morning routine on. Both sides don't win, and it's a pretty tough compromise. 6 a.m.? Uhhh, no thanks. Besides, once you crack your eyes even the slightest bit, it's more impossible to fall back to sleep than landing on Neptune within your lifetime. But with your own space, you set the sleeping hours. There's no argument or sleep struggle during your prime hours. Just think about it, you could even stay nestled under your comfy covers until 9 a.m. sans interruptions! It's a glorious thing.

3. Putting Resentment to Rest

Although we try not to fight before the witching hour, it still happens. And honestly, it's not always possible to solve every disagreement before lights out. So consider this; if you sleep in separate beds, you get some space and time to cool down from said argument. Then you can take your mind off the battleground without being face-to-face with the enemy. This means waking up with a clearer head and less resentment.

4. Allowing Your Heart to Grow Fonder

One thing about living together is you don't get much time to miss each other. Time spent together isn't always cherished time because you don't get a break. Having your own bedroom allows you both to get some needed R&R from each other and even… dare I say… leaving you both wanting to spend time together. Conversations and activities are now a little more coveted because you're excited to be in contact with each other. Apparently, 30-40 percent of couples agree. Imagine that!

5. Remote Control

Many of us have a TV in the bedroom these days. The problem with sharing the remote is choosing which show both of you want to watch. If he's into Schwarzenegger films and you love a good rom-com, this is problematic. Your own room means your own TV, too. So you can catch up on Sex in the City or Real Housewives of [every single city] on the regular without wistful sighs coming from the other side of the bed.

peeeking around door

6. The Closed-Door Policy

You know how your boss shuts her office door when she doesn't want to be bothered? This is similar. Sharing a bedroom means communal space. Meaning... it's not exclusively yours. It's not really your safe haven because hubby can walk in at any moment with just as much of a full claim on the room as you have. Having your own room means the closed-door policy applies. No one comes in without knocking and getting your nod (or begrudging grunt) of approval -- including the love of your life.

Snoozing Spouse-Side:

1. Setting the Groundwork For Future Love Lives

Whatever you do, kids are always watching and absorbing every single little action like sponges. And sleeping in separate beds might worry them that something is wrong in paradise. So if you and your mate choose the separate bed route, make sure your children understand the deets behind why you have your own room (see above). It's a conversation that might bring some unease to the surface. But also consider, if you and your man come off as roomies, that's the example and expectation junior is taking in on the daily.

2. Energy Transference

You don't need to talk to feel a bond with your spouse. When you're snoozing side-by-side, you feel comfortable. This is the person you chose to snooze next to 'til death do you part! Part of that agreement is splitting the bunk. And the warmth they bring is enough to show you that they chose you, too. It's a safe place you go every night knowing the person next to you is always there. Spoiler alert: they also feel that same energy.

3. Knowing Where You Stand

Although things may seem fine and dandy -- are they? Is your hubby harboring resentment because he feels like you never have time for him? Maybe you feel like intimate time is at a stand-still because of the separate beds ordeal. When you share a bed, you see the issues more up close and personal than when you're snuggled up safe and sound in your own bed. If your husband is being distant, your shared bed is an easy place to pick up on that right away.

4. External Comfort


You never know when those blood-thirsty monsters under the bed -- or a ruthless burglar, yikes! -- are going to show up. And you're always the first one to notice when something isn't kosher. Here's the thing, a man is usually up to the "I'll scope it out" situation while you hide under the safety of your blankets (we all know blankets are impenetrable). Whether it's a traditional baseball bat or another more creative weapon of choice, men are pretty darn resourceful when it comes to defending the homestead. Not that you can't but if he's willing... Whew!

5. Not Putting Togetherness on Snooze

We don't always get to spend quality time with our spouse thanks to the daily grind. Although you and your man can catch a movie on the couch or eat dinner together on the regular, do we stash our phones away and give them our undivided attention during that time? No. When it's bedtime, that attention-seeking phone is usually on its charger, meaning your partner doesn't have to compete with anything or anyone. It's quality time every single night.

6. The Ongoing Advice Column

Sometimes the best advice comes from your other half. If you had a rough day with your boss, your guy might know how to level with him. Or when you're at your wits end trying to figure out why men are so obsessed with the thermostat -- he can speak from experience. And it goes both ways. Maybe he is mystified by the draw of The Hallmark Channel. You can walk him through how every movie speaks straight to your heart despite the sappiness. It's basically an adult classroom... in bed.

Slumber Party or Single Slumber?

Every relationship has a different dynamic, and what works for one couple may not for another. The perks of intimate time could trump the benefits of added space and keeping the TV on full blast. When you choose your spouse, you choose sacrifice along with the pros of married life. And sometimes that means making concessions at sleepy time. It's worth it.

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Should You and Your Partner Sleep in Separate Beds?