Vegetables have managed to gain quite the reputation in the last few decades of nutritional research. Suddenly, even fully fledged carnivores are hailing the health benefits of a plant-based diet, probably because their minds are being controlled by the brain-boosting properties of broccoli or something. To help you see the other side of the story, here are some important reasons why vegetables shouldn't be consumed with every meal.
1. Vegetables Are Cold-Blooded Killers
Of diseases, that is, but still. Sounds pretty scary, doesn't it? Sure, green leafy vegetables are known to fight inflammation, which has been linked to a number of diseases such as cancer, diabetes, and even depression. But is that all they fight? Are you 100% sure that spinach won't turn on you unexpectedly? Don't take the chance.
2. You'll Attract Way Too Many Vegan Instagram Followers
Vegans can spot a healthy meal from thousands of miles away, so don't be surprised if they start following your social media accounts to feed their vegetable addictions further. They might even shower you with words of encouragement, so consider setting your profile to private if that scares you.
3. Nobody Likes a Health Nut, Sarah
You know your coworker Sarah who has an amazing body and perfect skin and constantly grazes on carrot sticks and celery at work? If you start eating vegetables with every meal, not only will you inflict envy on those around you due to your newly rockin' bod and annoyingly blemish-free face; you'll also be forced to admit that Sarah might have had healthy eating figured out all along. You definitely don't want that.
4. You'll Have to Fend Off Constant Date Invitations
Humans are attracted to those who show physical signs of good health, such as the aforementioned glowing skin and in-shape physique. Start eating vegetables with every meal, and your life will become so inundated with people trying to win you over, it'll become a full-time job keeping them at bay. You do not have time for that - everyone knows your full-time job is trying to avoid Sarah.
5. You Might Sign Up for a Marathon or Something
Vegetables can have such a significant effect on our energy levels and overall wellbeing that eating them with every meal could drive you straight into the arms of your local 26-mile torture-fest. Is that really something you want? I mean, sure, it would be nice to have a boost of energy for your morning workouts, and you'd love to feel more awake throughout your day.... But are the many positive effects of vegetable consumption really worth the risk of signing up for a marathon? (Though, come to think of it, you will look really good in your new Lululemon running shorts - SEE? IT'S HAPPENING ALREADY. RUN - NO, CRAWL - AWAY FROM THE VEGETABLES.)
6. You'll Start Getting IDed All the Time
The anti-aging properties of vegetables such as kale, broccoli, and spinach could make ordering a drink in a bar much more of a hassle, as you'll have to whip out your driver's license every time you want a glass of wine. You might even have to convince the bartender that it's not a fake ID, because you'll look younger than Sarah after she got all that botox done. Which is like, weirdly young.