The Do's and Don'ts of Planning a Second (Or Third!) Wedding

second wedding

Just like "Ol' Blue Eyes" so beautifully sang, sometimes love is better the second (or third or fourth) time around. And what better way to celebrate your love than to proclaim it for all the world to see with a wedding? So you've already had one of those. Doesn't mean you can't do it again. If you're ready to take the plunge with your new partner in crime, you may be wondering about the "rules."

A White Wedding Day

Do wear whatever color you darn well please. Perhaps you've heard-or think wearing white this time around isn't "appropriate." Well throw the rule book out the window! If you want to wear white, go right ahead. It's your wedding day, and you can wear white if you want to (and who cares what anybody says or thinks about it). Or maybe you hated wearing white at your first wedding and wished you could have worn a wicked black dress with red trim or a Princess Bride worthy tiara. If that's what speaks to your heart, then go for it!

Going to the Chapel - or Not

wedding chapel

Unfortunately, this one isn't as easy as the dress. If you want to say "I do" in your house of worship, you'll have to clear that with them first. Some religions, like the Roman Catholic Church, are a little stricter about divorce than others. But don't worry. Even if you end up marrying in a soon-to-be demolished church like Ross and Rachel… Oh wait, no, Emily! Emily! - a little imagination can make any place a dream come true.

What Would Suze Orman Do?

And now for everyone's favorite topic: money. OK, maybe it's not everyone's favorite thing to talk about. But it's not one of those things you can just ignore (like the fact that he leaves dirty clothes next to the hamper… but he's a good man so what's a shirt on the floor for a day or two?). Traditionally, the bride's family pays for the wedding. But does that mean mom and pops pay for every wedding? If you have parents who don't mind and can afford to pay and you and the almost hubs are also fine with it, then who's to say your parents can't cover the costs for this wedding? However, it's highly likely the 'rents (and you) are not too keen on the idea of them paying for your second or third wedding. They might offer to chip in, but don't count on it. So the financial responsibility falls on you lovebirds. Now, how you two decide to split the costs is up to the both of you. And what better way is there to start off your new lives than being able to handle that tough conversation like adults?

Can You Come to My Party? Circle 'Yes' or 'No'

So who exactly is humbly requesting the presence of your friends and family on your special day? Well, who is the host? Meaning, who is paying? If your parents are paying for this second go-round, then they are the hosts. If you and your new forever guy are paying, then you are the hosts. But here's something to consider. If you (and he) have kids, think about including them on the invitations too! You're not just joining your lives; you're blending your families. So the case could be made that this is your children's celebration as well. And look into some examples of different ways to word your invitations.

Bring on the Pink Champagne and Cupcakes!

Be honest. Do you really want to watch all your friends compete to see who makes the best toilet paper wedding dress? If you do, then by all means, please go forth and TP your friends. But if you aren't too enthused about the idea of traditional bridal shower games, try thinking out of the box. Instead of a wedding theme, maybe consider a movie theme or a travel abroad theme. Or maybe you'd just like to spend a casual evening with close friends you don't always get to see thanks to your busy lives. What better excuse than to celebrate your new journey? Of course, nobody is saying you can't play pin the ring on the bride. Maybe your first bridal shower was a dud, or maybe you loved it so much you want to do it again. But don't feel like you have to just because it's traditional.

weddnig couple with gifts

Yay, Another Gravy Boat

Do encourage wedding guests to give unique gifts. It's likely you and your soon-to-be spouse already have everything you need, so there's no need to register for fancy stemware and china. Or perhaps ask for donations to your favorite charity instead of gifts. However, don't be surprised if some people don't want to give a gift this time around, especially if they gave you one at your last wedding(s).

Will You Be My Bridesmaid... Again?

Should you ask the same people who were in your last bridal party to be in your next? Yes! If that's what you want to do. Wouldn't the special people in your life still want to be a part of celebrating your newest love? Of course, if they'd rather not, don't press the issue. Maybe the pressure was too much last time, and they'd rather celebrate as a wedding guest this time. But whatever you do, don't feel limited. Whether you want one or 20, someone who was or wasn't in the last bridal party, go all out! But maybe this time, let them pick dresses they can wear again. Nobody wants to be stuck with 27 (one-time use) dresses.

Who Gives Me Away? Me!

bride walking herself down the aisle

If your dad walked you down the aisle at your first wedding, he absolutely cannot walk you down this time. Ha! Kidding! Again, it's up to you. Who do you want to walk you down the aisle? It's fine if your dad does. It's fine if your best friend does. It's fine if your children do. And it's also fine for you to walk yourself down the aisle proclaiming to the world you are an independent woman walking boldly into your new life.

To Axe the Exes or Not

To invite the exes or to not invite the exes. This is a tricky one. As advised by The Emily Post Institute, inviting the ex is not the best idea in most cases. Even if you and your fiancé are comfortable with it, some guests and relatives may not be. But if your ex is your best bud and your fiancé doesn't care, go ahead and send that invite.

The Kids Are All Right

Try to find a way to incorporate your children in your wedding. You're blending your families, so it only makes sense to involve them in the day. Depending on their ages, they can be flower girl and ring bearer. Or if they are older, ushers or in the wedding party. However, you don't want to force them to do something they don't want to do. Be sure you ask them first if and find out how they want to be involved.

There Are No Rules

It's possible you've picked up on something by now: The do's and don'ts of your second, third, or whatever wedding are pretty loose. There are no rules, for the most part. The most important, and possibly only important, "do" of this wedding is this: Do make sure you do what is right for you.

The Do's and Don'ts of Planning a Second (Or Third!) Wedding